6.23.2008

"C" is for Classicism

IN SUMMATION: the following post is in direct response to a number of instances of late where I have heard, upon something 'crazy' or 'silly' or 'hilarious' occurring, someone heartily exclaim, "That was CLASSIC!"

Now, my friends...first of all, "classic" is defined as prescribed below, thanks to our beloved deceased yet ubiquitous online friend, Noah Webster.

Pronunciation:
\kla-sik\
Function: adjective
Etymology: French or Latin; French classique, from Latin classicus of the highest class of Roman citizens, of the first rank, from classis
Date: circa 1604

1 a: serving as a standard of excellence : of recognized value
b: traditional, enduring
2: of or relating to the ancient Greeks and Romans or their culture
3 a: historically memorable
b: noted because of special literary or historical associations
4 a: authentic, authoritative
b: typical
5: of or relating to the period of highest development of Mesoamerican and especially Mayan culture about a.d. 300–900

Allow me to address these definitions, one by one, as related to said recent occurrences in which the word 'classic' was used, inappropriately, as this post will attempt (with success) to prove.


Number 1. A standard of excellence, of value. Traditional. Enduring.
My friends, nothing - NOTHING - is of a lower standard of excellence or of lesser value than a 'popular' adult cartoon show entitled 'Family Guy'. And yet, time and time again I am stunned to hear of the show characterized and described in this manner. "Ohhh man, that was CLASSIC!" is a familiar phrase to describe a humorous scene here and there. On the contrary, its humor is lewd and its content, cheap. And any 'guy' who desires a 'family' as outlined in this show ought to jump off the nearest bridge in the midst of winter to an icy cold death, to prevent any propagation of his stupidity befalling his progeny and the future of this morally-ill country that is The United States of America.

Number 2. As related to ancient Greeks, Romans and their cultures.
I was teaching my cousin to drive recently - and we saw a dilapidated building, about which he commented "That's classic!", and chortled to himself. I seriously doubt that ancient Greeks or Romans, if alive today, would find such a makeshift and horrendously assembled structure to resemble ANYTHING like their classical architectural masterpieces.

Number 3. Historically Memorable.
How many times have we all heard or overheard someone, perhaps a friend, watching another commit some ridiculously inane or idiotic act, related or espoused to some form of self-injury, vandalism, prank or any other sort of tom-foolery? And the bystander's 'classic' remark is something like "Oh man! Dude, that was CLASSIC!" Trust me Bosephus,...nothing was 'historically memorable' about you skateboarding down a railing, slipping and erring on the side of your crotch. Buffoon.

Number 4. Authentic. Authoritative. Typical.
A customer (who shall go unnamed here) at the bank recently referred to a Honda Accord as a 'Classic' car. Now I'm no automobile guru by any stretch, but I know what classic cars are - Ford Model A's and T's, Ford Mustang Coupes, Buick Eight Convertibles, Dodge Chargers, Chevy Camaros, perhaps a vintage Caddy. These are authentic cars, designed and built by Americans. They are the definition of classic in as far as what was and is typical and authoritative in the world of artfully crafted, displayed and heralded motorcars. A Honda Accord is not classic. It is Chinese. And that is all.

Number 5. As related to the height of development in Mesoamerican cultures (e.g. Mayans).
The Mayans used three symbols in their everyday numeration system (math). Dots, lines and TURTLE SHELLS. They're extinct now. Probably because of the turtle shells. Not much is 'classic' about that.

In light of all this, what DOES meet, might you ask, these defintions of 'classic' (with the obvious exception of numbers 2 and 5, since he was neither Aegean nor Mongoloid)?


Answer: Joseph Haydn, and his music. So please enjoy the newly updated music clip on the right, performed by Gautier Capuçon. Many of you know that Haydn is my favorite composer. It just so happens that it was THIS piece, his Cello Concerto no. 1 in C major, that made me fall in love with his music (especially the last minute and a half).

Haydn was known as a composer of the 'Classical' era (1750-1803), where an emphasis was on form, balance, order, symmetry, precision and emotional restraint. Mozart, Weber, Salieri, Clementi, Gluck and J.C. Bach joined him in this effort. The music is pure, tonal, based on simple melodies, but still allows room for the virtuosic performance to stir excitement in the listener. There is more theory behind the classical era as well (which chords are used more and less, if at all etc.) but I shall spare you these details for the time being.

So in short, "C" is for Haydn. And it might as well stand for C. Scott Aitken too.


In other news, I don't yet feel as though I have aged four and a score (that's twenty-four, for you non-Lincoln subscribers), though historical records prove otherwise. Coworkers have suggested to me to "Go out. Have a drink or three." HOW would that make me feel younger or older? HOW would that allow me to have a good time? Isn't all GOOD fun to be had still possible, without the presence of alcohol? More on this in a later post...